


Starry Night

by Smileysmiley



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: Bloom into you inspired, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-29
Updated: 2019-12-29
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:13:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22014676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Smileysmiley/pseuds/Smileysmiley
Summary: Bloom Into You AU!(Loosely based)"When I was a little girl I always used to paint with my mother during the summer. I would get so frustrated every time I made a mistake that I'd get a whole new canvas and start from scratch. My mother told me that was silly. She said that Vincent Van Gogh painted one of the most famous paintings in the world and he painted it with layers upon layers of paint. I could do that too, every time I made a mistake I could just put another layer on top of it. I lived by that advice, but what she didn't tell me was that with time the paint would crack and peel and fall off until you could see all the ugly mistakes I tried to cover up. And I didn't realize it myself until I based my entire sense of self around those layers. Jeong...there's so many chips and cracks in my paint I can't even tell what the mistakes are anymore."
Relationships: Im Nayeon/Yoo Jeongyeon
Comments: 10
Kudos: 31





	1. How it feels to want something

**Author's Note:**

> I’m really excited for this fic. Please remember to leave a comment.

**Jeongyeon POV**

The summer before I started High School I had a plan. 

I’d always been a pathetic person. My first year of Junior High my teacher recommended me to join the art club. I agreed.

In retrospect she likely only asked me to join because my notes were neat and color coded, therefore she assumed I would be artistically inclined. She was right. Art seemed to come easy to me. And I suppose it was a good way to kill time. But it was around then that I started to notice the difference between me and my classmates.

One moment stands out in particular. The day my clubmate Park Chaeyoung broke down in tears on the floor of the art room. She’d been sculpting a lifesize thorned rosebush out of clay for three months when another classmate foolishly knocked it to the floor. I’ve never seen a person sob like that before outside of movies. I looked around at my classmates to see if anyone else was baffled at her display of emotion but everyone looked at her with such empathy, I even saw someone shed tears with her. 

That was when I realized there must be something that I’m missing. Some piece to my puzzle that’s been left out. After that I began noticing those types of things more and more. A baseball boy staying after school all alone practicing his pitch over and over again until he got it perfect. A classmate so determined to ace her exams that she’d study through lunch. A girl so determined to confess to her crush that every day she’d come back to school with a new letter to give him, even though she’d always chicken out and throw it away.

I’d witness these beautiful acts of passion every day and I’d just get unbearably green with envy. I desperately wanted to care for something in the way they did. I want to get that spark of desire in my eye. I want to know how it feels to want something with your entire being. But at the time it seemed like that feeling would never come. Which is why I made a plan.

During the summer before my first year of high school I promised myself I wouldn’t do art anymore. I promised myself I would find something to want. And I promised myself I would never pretend to love something if I didn’t truly love it with my whole heart.

I only kept two of those promises.

On the first day of school everyone was immediately talking about clubs. Our high school offered much more clubs than most of our previous junior highs had.

“I think I’m gonna join the track team.”

“Really? I never took you for the sporty type.”

“What type did you take me for then?”

“The anime club type!”

“Oh shut up!”

Everyone already seemed to have something in mind. It was disheartening. During the festival where clubs advertise their strengths to attract new members things seemed to look more and more dim. There was nothing wrong about any of the clubs, but there was nothing right about them either. This inescapable feeling of indifference seemed to just sit in my chest no matter what I did. Cooking, dancing, drawing, writing, sewing, reading, everything felt the same. There was nothing that I wanted.

I finally ended up sulking inside the audirotrium, I’d missed the first half of the show but the theatre club seemed to be putting on a play. I don’t remember the name of it. But it starred a pretty girl with dark hair. Everyone in the audience seemed to be whispering about her. I had to admit she was a very good actress. I decided to pay more attention to her during the show. 

She walked with confidence and spoke clearly without hesitation. I was impressed. Suddenly a girl laughs loudly and inappropriately in the audience, almost every head in the audience turns to look at her and shush her. What most likely happened was just a case of a couple of friends goofing around at the wrong time, I wouldn’t know, I didn’t turn to look. I kept my eyes trained on the girl. And I watched her change before my very eyes. It was just for a second but she trembled, and her eyes went wide. The laugh terrified her, I wondered if she was worried the girl was laughing at her. I felt it was odd, she definitely didn’t seem like the self conscious type. But just as quickly as she cracked she fell right back into place. Delivering her next line as if nothing had happened at all.

It was intriguing.

So the next day when an upperclassman asked to recruit me for the tech team, I said why not. 

I’d like to go on the record now saying that Theatre was not the thing I was passionate about, nor did it ever become the object of my passion. But at the time it was the only thing that didn’t completely bore me. And so that’s what I did.

One thing that surprised me about working with tech was how little we worked with the cast. For the first several months of being a part of the tech club we spent it all in the tech room. Working on sets and props. In face the first time we really worked with the cast was only three weeks before the show. It was to measure for costumes. I’m sure you can guess who I got paired with. After spending some months at the school I’d come to hear a lot about the girl I first saw up on that stage. Her name was Im Nayeon and almost everyone seemed to know her name. 

She stared in almost every play, she was valedictorian, she was gorgeous, she was athletic, she was everything. And I found it dreadfully boring.

She smiled at me with those bunny teeth while I measured her arm length. I gave her a polite nod, she raised an eyebrow in confusion. Maybe she’s not used to people doing anything but worshiping her every move, I wondered. 

“What’s your name?” She asked me.

“Yoo Jeongyeon.”

“You’re a first year right? Sorry, stupid question, I can tell by the color of your indoor shoes...I’m sure you already know my name.”

It was my turn to raise an eyebrow at her now. She’s already so sure I know who she is. That’s kind of presumptuous of her.

“No I don’t, actually. What’s your name?” I was definitely lying. She didn’t even waste time looking surprised.

“Im Nayeon. Sorry, I just assumed you knew because you walked right towards me when Jihyo told you you’d be taking measurements for the lead...so you knew I was the lead but you didn’t know my name?”

Shit. Busted. I was definitely blushing but I did my best to play it off. 

“She pointed to you.”

“No she didn’t.”

I looked up from my measuring tape and we made eye contact. But suddenly it was different than before. Now the mask was off. She was staring at me with such childlike curiosity. But then someone dropped their clipboard and the mask was back on.

“Sorry, she must’ve pointed and I didn’t notice...are we done here?” Right back into the persona, as if nothing even happened. It’s almost eerie.

“...yeah...one last question though, are you allergic to any fabrics of sensitive to any detergents? I have to ask for the paper.”

“No im fine.”

“Then you’re free to go.”

“Thank you.”

I thought, Im Nayeon is weird...maybe I should avoid her from now on. I had no idea she’d make it impossible.

***

“Yoo Jeongyeon!” I spun around at the sound of my name, just to come face to face with Im Nayeon.

“...Oh, hello. Is there something you need?” I asked as politely as possible. I was supposed to be hanging up the printouts of the school posters around the school.

“I was wondering if you could help me run lines. I’m definitely off book by now but it would really ease my mind to go over them with someone again.”

Now that was definitely weird. She most certainly just came from the theatre room, full of other actors to help her run lines. But she went out of her way to find me.

“Um...I actually need to hang up these posters.”

“I can wait.”

And that’s how I ended up walking the empty hallways of my school with the infamous Im Nayeon. She was fairly silent the entire time. But she stood way too close. 

We were downstairs by the staircase near where the athletes enter to come back inside after practice. One of the bulbs was out so it was dim down there. I asked her for advice.

“Should we bother hanging one right here? I mean only the athletes will see it and it’s kinda dark down here-“

“Do you like anyone, Jeong?”

I definitely didn’t expect her to say that. But I saw no reason not to answer honestly.

“No I don’t...honestly I don’t even know if I’m capable.” 

“What do you mean?”

“It’s just...my whole life it’s like I’ve never been able to truly love anything. Like a sport or a hobby or anything! I’ve definitely never had a crush before. And it’s not from a lack of trying. I just can’t love anything. Sometimes I think I’m broken.” I had no idea why I told her all of that. I could’ve just said never mind and left it at that but I chose to tell her all of that. God she must’ve thought I was so-

“I can understand that.”

“What?”

“I’ve never had a crush on anyone before either. I mean I get a love confession just about every other week. From boys and girls. I just always reject them. I want someone who can make me flustered, I want someone to teach me the meaning of the phrase ‘butterflies in your tummy’. You know what I mea-“

“I know exactly what you mean! Oh my god you’re like me. You completely understand! I thought I was alone but you get it…”

Nayeons stared at me in shock, she clearly wasn’t expecting that sort of outburst but I couldn’t’ve cared less. I pulled her into a tight hug.

“Thank you so much, unnie.” I pull back out of the hug and look at her “You-...”

Of course. I look at her face and she’s red. Her eyes are glossed over, soaked in that spark I know all too well.

Want. Passion. Nayeon was not like me. Because she’d found her want. Her want was me.


	2. Someone who can’t love me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The events of Chapter one told from Nayeon’s perspective.

**Nayeon POV**

My life had no room for authenticity, but that was okay because I built it that way. I’d been inventing persona on top of persona for myself every year since middle school. First I was the pretty girl, then I was the smart girl, and by my second year of high school I was the everything girl. 

You see when I was little I was horribly insecure. My mother raised me for the first years of my life without a father. She claimed she didn’t know who he was. But we were poor so we moved around a lot, mom used different boyfriends to pay the rent. But they were always the same. Drunk, abusive, angry. Always so angry. My mom did her best to protect me, she would put herself directly in the line of fire anytime I was going to get hurt, and she got hurt instead. But the damage was done, if not physically, mentally.

I was a meek, anxious, pathetic little girl with nothing special about her. But one day things got worse than usual. Mom’s boyfriend was beating her harder than usual, I hid under the coffee table covering my ears, I always hated the sound of his fists hitting her flesh.

The neighbors called the police, and this time he didn’t have time to wash the blood off his fists before he answered. They put him away on assault and battery. They put my mom away on child endangerment. I almost went into the system but a miracle happened. They found my dad.

You would think I would’ve been learn I had a father, but it took me a while to open up to him. I suppose I resented the fact that he’d left me alone at all. He swore up and down that he had no idea I existed. My mother was a woman he’d only had the pleasure of knowing for one night. And if he had any Idea I was out there he would’ve sued for custody immediate.

In hindsight, that’s probably why my mother never told him about me. No matter how bad she was for me...she wanted to keep me.

  
  
  
  
  


How pathetic.

  
  
  


Father already had a wife and two kids. A boy and a girl. The girl was only bilogically related to his wife, and the boy was biologically both of theirs. She’d already had a kid when they got married and they made another one together. She was kind, my step mother, not at all jaded by my father having a secret kid. And not at all jealous of having to share his heart with a third person. Their kids were nice enough too. As nice as children can be. 

But my family wasn’t really what changed me. What changed me was something that happened before, in the dinky old apartment building. When my mother was lying bruised and bloodied on the floor. And her boyfriend knew he wasn’t going to get away with it this time.

“Nayeonnie? I know you’re under the table.”

I could see his feet but his words were muffled, I took my hands off my ears.

“Today I’m gonna go to jail. And your mother is going to go to the hospital. You’re gonna go into child services. And when you get there I want you to promise me you’ll change. People don’t want damage Nayeonnie, just look at your useless mother. That’s what damage gets you. Even if you can’t truly be all happy and fixed and perfect. Pretend like you are. Be special, Nayeonnie. That’s the only way you’ll avoid coming back to a place like this. If you stay the way you are you’re doomed to end up right back here. But instead there will be a different bad man whose just like me, and you’ll be the one unconscious with your blood staining the carpet.”

His words echo in my head all the time. And even though I didn’t end up going into foster care or adoption at all, I did what he told me. Because he terrified me. I didn’t want to become my mother. 

I will never become my mother. And I carried that with me.

Every bit of my focus went into being special, in my new home it was easier. I studied, I exercised, I learned how to style my hair. I learned how to smile at people, I learned how to be perfect.

It was hard but after a while it becomes all you know. But I’m not perfect, I’m far from it. And sometimes I’m not strong enough to hold back that scared little girl under the coffee table.

During the play we put on for the first years I couldn’t help myself. That laugh, was she laughing at me? Did I make a mistake? Is everyone going to see me for how I truly am?

I turn towards the audience, and I see her. First year, Yoo Jeongyeon looking dead at me. Everyone has turned but she’s looking at me. I feel my heart stop, but I’ve always been good at pretending. I turn my face back to my costar who’d also gotten distracted by the girl in the audience.

I delivered my next line, the attention was back on me. I suppressed a shudder. And life went on as usual. But Yoo Jeongyeons stare stayed in my head.

Maybe it was a little creepy and stalkerish of me but I kept tabs on her for a while. I know her class schedule. I know she’s smart and organized. And I know she’s completely and totally indifferent to almost everything.

How was that possible? She wasn’t excited about doing tech, she wasn’t excited about winter break, she definitely wasn’t excited about me. I found that very odd.

I attract people. It’s what I do. There aren’t many people out there who aren’t interested in me but Yoo Jeongyeon seemed set on being apart of that indifferent minority.

I definitely noticed her get a bit of attention herself. Mostly from shallow boys attracted to nothing but her pretty face. The same boys who would then grumble and gossip about how she was “boring and devoid of personality anyways” after she rejected them.

But there was something special about Yoo Jeongyeon to me, I just had no idea what it was yet.

Despite my history of manipulation, it really was completely by chance that Jeong ended up being the one to take my measurements. She was...different than I expected. I knew she would be indifferent so I figured she would be immune to my attempts at charm...but when she looked at me it was like she saw me. Like really saw me, like the inner me before all the layers of mock perfection got added on top. It was terrifying and exilirating. That she could see that version of me and her expression not change at all. She eyed me curiously like a cat. I had to excuse myself before I revealed too much of myself.

This girl made me want to let go of all of my inhibitions.

I quickly found myself planning excuses to talk to her. It wasn’t hard, she liked being alone and always jumped at the chance to perform any task that required working solo. So when she offered to hang up the posters around the school, I quietly excused myself under the guise of forgetting something in my classroom. It took a lot of convincing to talk the others out of accompanying me.

It was always a bit annoying having to fend off the attention from others. But I try to remember It’s not their fault, of course they’d wanna be around me. I’m perfect.

***

“Do you like anyone, Jeong?” Why did I ask her that? That’s a stupid question I knew exactly why I asked her that. Because I wanted to know the answer.

But I wasn’t expecting her response. I wasn’t expecting her to tell me she was incapable of love. Or passion. But the second she said it I felt an unrecognizable feeling in my tummy. It scared me so I did what I always do when I’m scared, I reverted to something familiar.

Charm. Manipulation. In fact, I gave her almost the exact same speech I gave every person who asked me out back then. That I’m emotionally unavailable and that I’m waiting for that special someone. It was a half truth. I’d never had a crush. But I wasn’t waiting for anyone. I couldn’t imagine ever being in a relationship.

I hate myself. How could I ever be with someone who loves what I hate?

But then out of nowhere she hugged me and all of those jumbled queasy feelings made sense.

Jeong doesn’t love me. She could never love me. She’d see the pathetic and helpless side of me clear as day and feel nothing at all. That’s what I want. That’s what I need.

I need someone who can’t love me.

***

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Hey mom...I think I have a crush...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment. Please...please leave a comment. I’m begging you.

**Author's Note:**

> Don’t forget to comment what you thought and what you think might happen next.


End file.
